Not to mention he was the one I chose to give my V-card too. She wanted to die since she doesnt fit or belong anywhere. Husband laid off May 1, I have FT job, I NEVER MISSED ONE PAYCHECK IN OUR 6 YEARS TOGETHER. If the relationship is fairly new a couple of years old you can feel perfectly at ease with asking him to arrange for a friend to live with or a brother , sister or mom dad. Anyway, it was nice to vent for a bit and I hope the situation improves for everyone on here. every week almost we gave dined out. Is this the life you want your family exposed to? He also has a family which might as well not exist. I even paid for an online class for him. I cannot be his world, I cannot be his sole source of good self esteem, I cannot listen to the constant complaining. My mom was so happy that at least one of us were married (I did not get married until 6 years afterward). Hi my boyfriend receives unemployment and doesnt help me with any bills or our sons cost of food diapers etc he does nothing and will not leave because hes on the lease is there any way I can call unemployment and get them to drug test him or something so he could loose it and finally have a reason to evict him he claims he helps with the checks but he really doesnt if he wasnt making anything I can prove hes lying. I feel I am being financially abused. Its incredibly concerning that when you express your needs, he goes right to your mental illnessas though him not contributing is your deficit. Any thoughts? I want to scream and yell! Two boys have moved out but the third at 29 years old has moved back in with us. So, here I am, sacrificing my time to make this work, giving my all, and get threatened with my heart because deep down, beyond EVERYTHING ELSE, having a job is all that matters I guess Not the persons heart, mind, body, time, soul, energy, care, or anything my parents led me to believe truly matter Real classy. But he hasnt, and he isnt. Contribute to the family. When I thought about how I want kids and would like to stay at home with them for a while, I came to realize I cant do this with him. I had been with someone previously who had passed away and he was the first guy who I really got involved in years later. Things arent always as they appear. He has been abuse in the past and has a drink/drug problem. They claim of course that other people are the problem but they seem to have these issues wherever they go and regardless of the situation. SO while all think the spouse are supportive of their spouse that looses a job. He failed the exam by several percentages. Sign up and Get Listed. I make all the money. You have been a tremendous blessing to him, but he has been quite a burden to you. I do not have any answer for you.sadly I am in exactly the same boat. I support everything all the bills, the rent, ( I want a house) but how can i with just my salary. Ive never read it but I will. And yes, Im tired of all the commentary to be supportive of the person unemployed as if the person left holding the financial bag isnt even more in need. Knowing that the pressure was on and not wanting to put that on her, I succeeded in finding higher and higher paying jobs to cover for her loss. 4. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! So glad i found this forum. He has nowhere to go. It's important to set expectations from the get-go, so your child will be prevented from overstepping boundaries. My heart goes out to you as I know how difficult it is to be the breadwinner and lives with a negative person who whines all the time and blames everyone and the society for everything but never himself. Hes gotten understandably frustrated and depressed, and his personality has changed so much. Im doing everything in my end but whenever his mom talks to us, I feel that she is thinking that Im just bumping around doing nothing. He expects me to buy his gas and food, doesnt even say thank you. Its been 5 months and I have applied to everything! Hes gaining weight and we have no sex life. It crushed all the confidence she had and nothing else has come around for some time now. Cleaning just enough to keep me from being angry but not quite enough to keep me from being stressed. However, another part of the confidence stems from the support you have from your partner. The only thing you can do if you partner behievour is not accepted and not able to change after in dept discussions. He pouts like a child when I dont. Its been 7 years since my husband was laid off. I want to be able to sing my own praises and whinge about the hours and workload instead of having to say how grateful I am to have a job at all. I do laundry, cook, clean, watch the kid and our dog. Filing for a divorce. I dont know what to do. Public transportation is not always preferable or even available. 2 babies, 2 maternity leaves and 2 returns to work! Support your wife and kids as it should be! I dont discuss it with family or friends because they all feel enough is enough and I should leave him. I know exactly how you feel. He has no money whilst waiting to hear from them and Im having to pay for all the bills with my money/savings. I tried to get a full-time job, but was turned down because I had been working part-time for too long. When he goes for a job interview, he insists that he should get to drive my car because it will look better. He is afraid to leave the house, much less work in a public setting, and has had several severe panic attacks just from minimal exposure to strangers. I am scared he will get tired of it and leave me. Ive carried the mortgage and bills for maybe 4 of these years and his consulting job isnt bringing anything in now. I know all men say s*** to the other females for obvious reasons when cheating but this was different then the other times hes cheated. We owe the landlord thousands now and hes on the verge of evicting us. I am 19 and me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years and the last two we have lived together. He does seasonal factory job from Sep to Dec in order to save up money to buy his gadgets during black friday and boxing day. My wife continues to work FT, ironically, as an Employment Counsellor at a local college. But I cant tell him he is an ungrateful ingrate because it would further damage his self-esteem which I am told on the daily I have destroyed for him. Since they really cant do anything as they have no opportunity to do so, they often end up doing nothing. Good luck to all the other partners out there dealing with the same situation. No support from him meant I had to turn down the promotion I wanted and planned on retiring from. I have to beg him to mow the lawn. I think the thing that keeps me holding on is the fact that my husband cooks, cleans, and takes care of his own kids. I think there is more at play here and a lack of understanding of what love is and how it is displayed during the better or worse moments of life. I dont need him to provide for me so I can quit working, or to buy me lavish things. Now I have no qualms about women who want to work and have careers, etc But sadly, it affected almost all marriages and families into believing it was also the womans job to work outside the home.AND inside as well. All are forced to be passengers on the emotional roller coaster ride of a loved ones bout with unemployment. The pay was amazing, and finally I could stop worrying about money so much, and maybe even have a week off work (I havent had a break for over two years) 1. Im looking into divorce, but now it turns out I may have to pay alimony! And we live in an affluent area on Long Island, which he wouldnt sell our home 6 years ago, instead now its in foreclosure. I wish there was more I could do to help him find a job!!!! Im completely at a lost anymore. I was so happy we had financial breathing room, and then he ate away at it. He had 2 jobs last week, none this week, 1 next week. Now our two boys are 4.5 and 3 year old and in full time daycare. This has lasted way longer than we ever anticipated that it would and quite frankly there are days where I just see no light at the end of the tunnel. I last posted on Jan 23, 2015, I was totally miserable back then. Ive been suffering from all stress related illnesses u can imagine. While I am grateful that he is taking advantage of the time to reestablish a parental relationship with his kids, he has once again (pattern evident) walked away from his job, and refuses to accept work that he considers beneath or unrelated to his skill set (automotive/construction). Now, I would also like to add that it appears as though my husband is taking over (where decisions are concerned) regarding what must be paid when and when. He was laid off in September due to lack of work at the business. Make a clear, specific request about exactly what you want or need. I have to stay strong for myself nowIve decided that to survive, I have to try to look after myself as best as I can. As someone else said it doesnt help when my parents suggest things, as the majority of it we have already tried. Maybe youre not getting a job because your reading comprehension is low. Have you considered going to a CODA meeting. I get really tired of being supportive, and Im literally exhausted trying to hold all of this together. He was so frustrated and yelled he couldnt even go out for one night. How can they not put their ego aside to do the right thing for their family? First it was an industry crisis. Yep, Im that stupid. Keep a sound point of view. Its been almost 2 years since he was laid off from his job. The person questioned whether I knew how far I would driving when I took the job. My husband occasianaly mows the lawn or fixes something in the house but of course that doesn't happen every week. There are many more things he doesnt do but for google that seemed a good start. If they do, cut them some slack; they probably have years of resentment built up. Yet, only one of us gets paid for it! must be fricking nice, is all I have to say. Include all the household tasks, including cleaning, cooking, ironing, yard work, repairs, grocery shopping, paying bills, etc. If they are in a dark place, pray for them and your family that he comes out of it. Youll see that given enough respite, you will have more energy to carry on your daily tasks until the Great News arrives. Look around your house, consider your family life, and imagine the chaos that would ensue if she wasnt handling all of it, Cason said. Especially when it comes to finances and the division of chores in the home, theres so much emotional baggage surrounding gender roles and upbringing and social norms that even the most sensible, watertight plan is going to flounder from time to time. By continuing to browse our site you agree to our use of data and cookies. The victim of a lazy cad. first live-in mistake from 2001 to 2010 only worked one year out of nine .was hooked on internet and internet games. and hes on the PC trying to get money for the surveys online, or hes playing solitaire, or like he used to, be on Facebook talking to this female friend.He is just using me I feel like. There a Taiwan famous writer he was put in jail many many years ago for political reason. Heres an idea, if you need to change something about yourselfGO CHANGE IT! Its very easy for someone who deals with someone infrequently or not at all to suggest that they cease and desist working and stay home especially when they arent going to be hanging around the home of the person making this suggestion. Not easy but hang in there. Wow. The rest he spent on god knows what because all we have to show for it is the trucks. It takes time and courage for him to realize he has his problem. If you get your communication right, your partner will respond with empathy and compassion.. During this time I had to PUSH and PROD him to explore part-time work. Cautionary tale. We are living in his parents house which is a blessing. I make enough to pay our bills and a little extra, but I still feel like I got a bad deal. I dont lie but he does and its so so hard to be a believer in situations like this when it seems its For worse, poorer, and sickness. I have felt gaslighted, future-faked, scapegoated, manipulated and financially abused. In an attempt to help their partners through what is a tumultuous time, these women endure substantial turmoil themselves. It has been at least a year that I have been financially supporting both of us. But Ive invested so much of myself physically, emotionally, and financially, that I am scared sh**less to give it up. He wont look elsewhere because he believes he will hear something back on Monday. Try any or all of these ideas, and keep adding to these lists. So now, while i am working full time, I am also trying to get the other house fixed up for us to live in, and he resists helping and wont even go and see the other house. boeing 767 patriot express. My apartment was better than his, closer to my work, and I was on a contract so we chose to have him move in with me. Had not even couraged to tell my parents and wife that I am without job these days. Your post points out his past irresponsibility quite plainly. (And to be fair, he usually listened.) I do love her, but Im at the point in my life where I want to settle down, get house and start a family. You do yours free of carpools, homework, housekeeping. He cleaned the dishes, he cooks the dinner, takes out the trash, cleans the bathroom, gathers the laundry, and drives me to the bus stop every morning at 5:30 am. Move out and evict that deadbeat if thats what it takes. He is working as an Uber Driver. It all feels super attention seeking and since I can never give him enough attention it just feels pointless. U can not hope to choose way A to reach destination B. Ie. You can just search free behavioral health care in your state on Google. I am my career is my life type and I wouldnt even mind if he wanted to only work part time and be a stay at home dad type. I made the mistake of doing it all to save arguments and all it got me was years of bitterness towards him and myself. He refuses to go.) Well, now we have two kids, rent a basement apartment, and most months live hand-to-mouth, because not only can he manage to work all year, he is crappy with his money too, and I make less but usually end up contributing more. But for those who are in this situation, understand that the advice to leave and kick him to the curb IS IN FACT the advice you need to follow. He'll go grocery shopping. Even if you are not certain what you are experiencing is abuse or if you would not call it domestic violence, please consider contacting them, as they can offer help and advice. I know this may sound terrible, but after struggling for six years with a boyfriend who lacked ambition, drive, and frankly is extremely lazy I finally got the courage to let him go. She is an interior designed by training. Its takes a couple of years to figure peoples motives out sometimes. I am the sole provider. As hes been out of his profession for so long, its doubtful hell be rehired in the same profession, much less at the same salary. The end result is the same, your partner being rejected yet again and you blaming them and them blaming themselves. While it wasnt really his fault company was going down the toilet and since he was laid off over 100 people from teh company were let go because of just really bad company practices. He needed to find a real job or I would leave him. I have been in the same leaky boat for the last 16 (long and painful) months. Can we carry each other past the winds of pain and challenges? He just does not get it one bit. It must be so hard for anybody to be going through thisits one thing going through an economical difficulty but what is tougher is that you cannot even shout at your partneryou cannot ask them to go take a hike!It must be so tough. In fact, a research study conducted by Dr. Howard Markman who is the co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver showed that men cited nagging as one of the top reasons they got divorced.

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